Respond Ambition
So in case you missed it, a reader of this blog left a comment a week ago criticizing my lack of ambition and drive to succeed. Heres what he put:
Can't say that I disagree with him. I responded on his blog about how I basically lack the incentives to continue to work past my monthly expenses since I'm not obsessed with wealth, power and status like 99% of the population is.
A pretty weak argument I think.
Since even if I'm not obsessed with all that stuff, I can still be motivated to work by the simple fact that I am in the position to make a lot of money RIGHT NOW, while the future of poker is somewhat uncertain. I mean, why not mine this shaft for all its worth? And I've been saying shit like this for months (years?) now and while I have increased my skill level a ton as well as my bankroll, I still have slacked hard.
So while I'm not delusional about being able to change my entire outlook and motivations, I am going to be more conscientious about working more in general, just because I need to start respecting how fortunate I am. I mean, without poker I'd be 9-5'ing it, making 1/4th of what I do now with 10x the effort. There is virtually no excuse in the world that I can use that allow me to squander this opportunity.
I imagine if they somehow shut down all of online poker tomorrow I would be damn regretful.
And it wouldn't be the first time I've had regrets about my decisions. My education is a prime example. I coasted through all of high school without even thinking. I was the envy of a lot of the "try hards" as I would get just as good grades as them with 100% less effort. I thought I had it all figured out, but then I went to university. I'm sure there are people who can coast through university as I had in high school but unfortunately my intellect has a ceiling, and first year was it for me. I had gotten myself into such a horrible study pattern that bringing it up to "university level" standards would have taken a complete overhaul of my psyche and thought process. Obviously I just dropped out and gave up on life for a while, only to reenter school and fake my way through a simple econ degree.
I'm basically not proud of anything I've ever done since I know I've never tried for anything in my life. So this month, even though I know I still won't be maximizing my potential, I am at least going to set daily # of hand goals and also a monthly dollar figure goal. If I reach that dollar amount before the month is up, I'm moving up to 5/10 for a shot.
I've been dominating 400NL for months now with a win rate over 6ptbb/100. I actually think one of the biggest reasons for my lack of play is simply boredom. There is virtually no challenge at 400NL for me anymore. Almost all the regulars are a level of thinking below me and it pains me to force myself to think at their level to make a living. I think in my mind I'm ready to move up, I just need a half decent month to support my BR.
So thats that. A mini goal is an improvement at least. I won't be putting in a 100k hand month or bringing in mid 5 figures but I will be improved over last month. And if all goes well, who knows, maybe this is the start of something good for me.
i've been reading this blog for almost a year now. and it's fucking weak.
not because of the poker content, but because of how you continually poke fun at your own laziness, and accept it, like it's cool/amusing. i would kill to have the time to put into poker that you do.
and you just write things off and say, "LOL I'M LAZY IZZNT IT FUNNEH". It's not. It's pathetic. I've got friends who are on the verge of leaving their day-time jobs and going pro- / semi-pro, and I ALWAYS direct them to this blog.
"beware this guy's attitude. put yourself on a schedule that keeps your mind, body, and social network strong. don't fall into his trap."
Depressing shit, man. Retardation? You should quit worrying about being snarky and think about COMPLACENCE. Where's your drive? Where are your goals? Where are you trying to be in a year or two years?
wtf?
Can't say that I disagree with him. I responded on his blog about how I basically lack the incentives to continue to work past my monthly expenses since I'm not obsessed with wealth, power and status like 99% of the population is.
A pretty weak argument I think.
Since even if I'm not obsessed with all that stuff, I can still be motivated to work by the simple fact that I am in the position to make a lot of money RIGHT NOW, while the future of poker is somewhat uncertain. I mean, why not mine this shaft for all its worth? And I've been saying shit like this for months (years?) now and while I have increased my skill level a ton as well as my bankroll, I still have slacked hard.
So while I'm not delusional about being able to change my entire outlook and motivations, I am going to be more conscientious about working more in general, just because I need to start respecting how fortunate I am. I mean, without poker I'd be 9-5'ing it, making 1/4th of what I do now with 10x the effort. There is virtually no excuse in the world that I can use that allow me to squander this opportunity.
I imagine if they somehow shut down all of online poker tomorrow I would be damn regretful.
And it wouldn't be the first time I've had regrets about my decisions. My education is a prime example. I coasted through all of high school without even thinking. I was the envy of a lot of the "try hards" as I would get just as good grades as them with 100% less effort. I thought I had it all figured out, but then I went to university. I'm sure there are people who can coast through university as I had in high school but unfortunately my intellect has a ceiling, and first year was it for me. I had gotten myself into such a horrible study pattern that bringing it up to "university level" standards would have taken a complete overhaul of my psyche and thought process. Obviously I just dropped out and gave up on life for a while, only to reenter school and fake my way through a simple econ degree.
I'm basically not proud of anything I've ever done since I know I've never tried for anything in my life. So this month, even though I know I still won't be maximizing my potential, I am at least going to set daily # of hand goals and also a monthly dollar figure goal. If I reach that dollar amount before the month is up, I'm moving up to 5/10 for a shot.
I've been dominating 400NL for months now with a win rate over 6ptbb/100. I actually think one of the biggest reasons for my lack of play is simply boredom. There is virtually no challenge at 400NL for me anymore. Almost all the regulars are a level of thinking below me and it pains me to force myself to think at their level to make a living. I think in my mind I'm ready to move up, I just need a half decent month to support my BR.
So thats that. A mini goal is an improvement at least. I won't be putting in a 100k hand month or bringing in mid 5 figures but I will be improved over last month. And if all goes well, who knows, maybe this is the start of something good for me.
posted by RikkiDee at 7:53 PM
6 Comments:
I happy too see some Goals Rikki! Just keep reminding your self what if poker did get shut down tommorow!
JP
There is nothing wrong with doing what you're doing, ignore the naysayers. Just ask yourself are you UNhappy with your life right now? If so then change it. If not, then keep rolling with it. Online poker isnt going away anytime soon. Live the life your livin, maybe find a hobby in your non-working hours. All jobs turn monotonous in time, challenge yourself at work or elsewhere, thats all you need
The anonymous person who posted at 9:57am is a moron. A complacent, stupid moron, who pontificates with meaningless, directionless generalities. A soft, warm, rotten hand that drags you backwards into stagnation.
This comment is the antithesis of your problem.
You are bored. There's no end-goal in your mind, and you're meandering forward, sick of smelling the roses along the way.
Then, today's post. Good for you, Rikki.
One of the problems that pro/semipro internet players have is their withdrawal from the "normal" social circles of 9-5ers. You don't have people who you can actively discuss your livelihood with (internet discussions DO NOT COUNT).
Probably very few of your RL friends can talk about poker at all. most of the time it's 'did you win? how much?' type of discussions.
So you can't talk about your job. It turns into a private thing. You post on your blog, some internet colleagues might respond, maybe not. The end result is that you have no accountability, because you are not networking.
The results don't matter, because you're not comparing yourself to anybody else, and realizing that you aren't meeting your potential. Don't feel bad -- it's a standard trap for poker players, and it was the primary reason for me to create my own shitty little Happy Meal Stakes Grinder blog.
I posted in the first place to remind you that people ARE watching you, you're NOT doing this in a vaccuum, and that good players SHOULD be pushing each other.
/push
Let me simplify my "directionless generalities" even further for you onegreenchip.
I agree he needs to be challenged. My point earlier was this challenge can come from anywhere, not just poker.
Rikki already stated money does not drive his happiness. So when you "push" him to get money money get money money you are pushing in the wrong direction.
Money doesnt bring happiness, it never will. You have to look at the bigger picture my friend.
I was glad to see this most recent post and I think these points are both valid and decent, to be honest.
While I don't condone living life in fear of and grinding away with "OH NOES, I GOTTA GET HANDS IN CUZ INTERNETZ POKER WILL BE TEH BANNED!!!"-type thoughts in your mind, I believe there is some sort of balance you'd need there. I mean, it is a possible reality (this shade of gray depending on who you're speaking to), so upping your monthly goal isn't a bad idea.
As far as money not equaling happiness; this is very true. I think what all could agree upon is that you need to do some homework in finding more passion in your life. Sounds like you're pushing yourself in the right direction with "work" now as you've established goals. I'd extend the same philosophy to your hobbies (guitar, right?) and other areas of your life, especially the social aspects. I've done this as of late and it's given me a deeper appreciation of my free time, an understanding of my lack of knowledge in the area, and more intellectual curiosity to close those gaps in knowledge. I recommend that you find that area.
Baby steps are fine, just ensure that you're actually taking those baby steps.
I agree Malfaire. I think that the realization that money does not = happiness is just a first step. As long as you can replace work with something else that is constructive and more beneficial to your overall happiness, then it can only improve your life.
Finding those things is the challenge.
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