Never give up

Took a beating in the ass yesterday. A serious ass pounding. My ass was fucking killing me. All red and raw from all the pounding it took. After 700 hands my ass had been fucked so hard no one even wanted me anymore because it was so stretched out and gross. Like that goatse guy.

So, while shaking uncontrollably in the fetal position on the ground, with an ice bag on my asshole, I had nothing left to offer but pure reflex. Pure reflex and mankind's basic drive for survival, that somehow shouts, "NO - I WILL NOT DIE TODAY!".

I picked myself up, tied the bag off ice to my ass, picked the keyboard off the ground and the mouse out of the hallway and started back up again. It was ugly and I was still crying a bit but I played through it.

6 hours later it was over. My ass was healed, pink and tight again. And my bankroll was back in order. Best fucking feeling I've ever had in my life. Heres the graph.














Almost -10 buyins in 700 hands. Ugliest shit ever. Damn my ass got fucked.

But, somehow someway I made it all back. Honestly, after I dropped the $1900 in less than an hour all I could think of was how long it was going to take for me to make it back. Luckily I had a few coolers here and there to help me back up. But most importantly I don't think I tilted. I mean after the first 700 hands obviously. I kept a level head, and played through it. I'm proud of my ass.

Going to take a day off because after this marathon I was literally shaking and numb.

This shit is Bananas

I'm not sure whats gotten into me the past few days but I like it.

I've played like 5x my regular amount, went crazy and back again, and still made some monies. Sure, tilt is usually damaging to your bankroll, but as long as you can recover unscathed it can be therapeutic.

I think by donking off a few stacks in the past few days has taught me the meaning of a "stack". And that "meaning" is meaningless. They are just numbers on a computer screen. Not an ipod, or a Wii. Its just 3 digits on a server somewhere. Thinking like this allows for true poker freedom. It opens up your game and allows you to make some high variance (read:+ev) maneuvers. No big deal if you lose.

Looking back on a few of the hands I played, sure, I looked like an idiot. But sometimes your read is off and you end up looking like an idiot in poker. But it's important to always be testing your reads and your instincts else your game will stagnate. Sometimes you'll need to stack off with ace high, and sometimes you'll need to fold the 2nd nuts. And I say this as a player who has barely ever tested his marginal reads, but I can see from my short experience that it makes you a better player. Not only that, your opponents will fear you, even if you did look like a donk that one hand. They'll still remember you called down with ace high once before they attempt that next bluff.

And maybe I went a little overboard this week. I mean, I didn't win much and I experienced a huge amount of variance. But I truly do believe I grew as a player immensely. Funny how after playing for almost 2 years full time I can still learn so much in a few days.

Just for fun, heres todays graph:













And here are some of my awesome reads in action. Most of them are ridiculous and very opponent dependent. Definitely way different than my regular game.

SB: $254.05
BB: $308.89
UTG: $246.05
CO: $396.13
Hero (BTN): $526.95

Preflop: Hero is dealt Ad 7d (5 Players)
UTG folds, CO raises to $7.00, Hero raises to $24.00, 2 folds, CO calls $17.00

Flop: ($51) Jh 6s As (2 Players)
CO checks, Hero bets $40.00, CO calls $40.00

Turn: ($131) 7c (2 Players)
CO checks, Hero bets $100.00, CO calls $100.00

River: ($331) 8c (2 Players)
CO bets all-in for $232.13, Hero calls $232.13

Pot Size: $795.26 ($2.50 Rake)

CO had Qs Js (a pair of Jacks) and LOST (-$396.13)
Hero had Ad 7d (two pairs, Aces and Sevens) and WON (+$396.63)

---

Hero (SB): $435.00
BB: $200.00
UTG: $394.00
CO: $876.02
BTN: $548.00

Preflop: Hero is dealt 9c 4c (5 Players)
UTG folds, CO raises to $10.00, BTN folds, Hero calls $9.00, BB folds

Flop: ($22) 7d 2h 9d (2 Players)
Hero checks, CO bets $12.00, Hero raises to $44.00, CO calls $32.00

Turn: ($110) 3h (2 Players)
Hero bets $80.00, CO calls $80.00

River: ($270) Kh (2 Players)
Hero checks, CO bets $115.81, Hero calls $115.81

Pot Size: $501.62 ($2 Rake)

CO had Td 5d (high card King) and LOST (-$249.81)
Hero had 9c 4c (a pair of Nines) and WON (+$249.81)

---

SB: $129.34
BB: $42.30
UTG: $340.15
MP: $517.31
Hero (CO): $197.00
BTN: $37.00

Preflop: Hero is dealt Th Jh (6 Players)
UTG raises to $8.00, MP folds, Hero raises to $26.00, 3 folds, UTG calls $18.00

Flop: ($55) 3s 5c Jc (2 Players)
UTG bets $30.00, Hero calls $30.00

Turn: ($115) 9c (2 Players)
UTG bets $50.00, Hero calls $50.00

River: ($215) 5d (2 Players)
UTG bets $80.00, Hero calls $80.00

Pot Size: $375.00 ($3.50 Rake)

UTG had 6h 6c (two pairs, Sixes and Fives) and LOST (-$186.00)
Hero had Th Jh (two pairs, Jacks and Fives) and WON (+$185.50)

---

Avert thy eyes for this next one if you hate bad play

SB: $184.47
BB: $102.00
Hero (BTN): $200.00

Preflop: Hero is dealt 8c Kd (3 Players)
Hero raises to $7.00, SB raises to $20.00, BB folds, Hero calls $13.00

Flop: ($42) 7h 5d 4d (2 Players)
SB bets $20.00, Hero calls $20.00

Turn: ($82) Ks (2 Players)
SB checks, Hero bets $50.00, SB calls $50.00

River: ($182) Jh (2 Players)
SB bets all-in for $94.47, Hero calls $94.47

Pot Size: $370.94 ($1 Rake)

SB had Ah Js (a pair of Jacks) and LOST (-$184.47)
Hero had 8c Kd (a pair of Kings) and WON (+$185.47)

---

SB: $442.64
Hero (BB): $406.80
UTG: $200.00
MP: $209.45
CO: $123.14
BTN: $267.25

Preflop: Hero is dealt 4h 4s (6 Players)
4 folds, SB raises to $6.00, Hero raises to $22.00, SB calls $16.00

Flop: ($44) Qc 6c 6d (2 Players)
SB checks, Hero bets $30.00, SB calls $30.00

Turn: ($104) 3d (2 Players)
SB checks, Hero checks

River: ($104) 7s (2 Players)
SB bets $79.00, Hero calls $79.00

Pot Size: $262.00 ($3.50 Rake)

SB had As 2d (a pair of Sixes) and LOST (-$131.00)
Hero had 4h 4s (two pairs, Sixes and Fours) and WON (+$127.50)

---

And sometimes I'm wrong... although that river card sucked

SB: $198.00
BB: $199.00
UTG: $394.00
MP: $867.32
CO: $276.00
Hero (BTN): $321.00

Preflop: Hero is dealt Jc Ah (6 Players)
UTG folds, MP calls $2.00, CO folds, Hero raises to $10.00, SB calls $9.00, BB folds, MP raises to $40.00, Hero calls $30.00, SB calls $30.00

Flop: ($122) Qd 2d 8h (3 Players)
SB checks, MP checks, Hero checks

Turn: ($122) Qs (3 Players)
SB checks, MP bets $119.00, Hero calls $119.00, SB folds

River: ($360) Kc (2 Players)
MP bets $74.00, Hero calls $74.00

Pot Size: $508.00 ($3 Rake)

MP had Js Ks (two pairs, Kings and Queens) and WON (+$272.00)
Hero had Jc Ah (a pair of Queens) and LOST (-$233.00)

---

I tried to rep AK...

SB: $786.38
BB: $554.85
Hero (UTG): $580.06
MP: $221.10
CO: $784.20
BTN: $493.33

Preflop: Hero is dealt 7h 7c (6 Players)
Hero raises to $10.00, MP calls $10.00, 4 folds

Flop: ($23) 6h 3c 6c (2 Players)
Hero checks, MP bets $16.00, Hero calls $16.00

Turn: ($55) 6d (2 Players)
Hero checks, MP bets $26.00, Hero calls $26.00

River: ($107) Kd (2 Players)
Hero checks, MP bets $44.00, Hero raises all-in to $528.06, MP calls all-in for $125.10
Uncalled bet of $358.96 returned to Hero

Pot Size: $445.20 ($3 Rake)

MP had Ah As (a full house, Sixes full of Aces) and WON (+$221.10)
Hero had 7h 7c (a full house, Sixes full of Sevens) and LOST (-$221.10)

---

SB: $182.00
BB: $267.20
UTG: $695.14
MP: $774.92
CO: $569.50
Hero (BTN): $844.61

Preflop: Hero is dealt Ac 9h (6 Players)
UTG folds, MP raises to $8.00, CO folds, Hero raises to $26.00, 2 folds, MP calls $18.00

Flop: ($55) 8s 5d 5s (2 Players)
MP checks, Hero bets $35.00, MP calls $35.00

Turn: ($125) 5h (2 Players)
MP checks, Hero checks

River: ($125) 3h (2 Players)
MP bets $110.00, Hero calls $110.00

Pot Size: $345.00 ($3 Rake)

MP had Qd 8c (a full house, Fives full of Eights) and WON (+$171.00)
Hero had Ac 9h (three of a kind, Fives) and LOST (-$171.00)

---

SB: $203.30
BB: $158.12
UTG: $207.50
Hero (CO): $197.00
BTN: $234.95

Preflop: Hero is dealt Jc Qh (5 Players)
UTG folds, Hero raises to $8.00, 2 folds, BB calls $6.00

Flop: ($17) 2c 8s 6c (2 Players)
BB checks, Hero bets $12.00, BB calls $12.00

Turn: ($41) 5c (2 Players)
BB checks, Hero bets $33.00, BB calls $33.00

River: ($107) Ad (2 Players)
BB checks, Hero bets $80.00, BB calls $80.00

Pot Size: $267.00 ($2 Rake)

BB had 7s 8d (a pair of Eights) and WON (+$132.00)
Hero had Jc Qh (high card Ace) and LOST (-$133.00)

Hitler Gets Banned From Online Poker

Spent

I've been ridiculously busy in the past few weeks.

And by ridiculously busy I mean less busy than the average person.

Still, work is relative as you can become accustomed to it. And I am not.

Fourth paragraph! After buying the house, and getting all this shit set up, I wasn't exactly dying to play poker, but since I just spent what feels like Jesus' ransom on this shit, I needed to play.

And as anytime previous when I was short on cash, I played and lost. Standard. So the combination work + losses lead to no updates. Because who wants to talk about their shitty, tilt-induced play.

But its all good now. I've chilled out and started to turn things around. After the 3rd straight losing day I had to take a step back to realize wtf I was doing to myself. I'm pretty sure I lost my fold button, which ended up causing most of the damage. So at least I have that excuse.

In order to get back into the game I just started writing down the absolute truths of hold'em when I saw fit. I would play a bit then notice certain things that I intrinsically know but haven't verbalized in a while. Things like "its ok to get bluffed" and "if your image sucks, stop raising marginal hands preflop". Pretty simple stuff but I think it was a good exercise that got me focussed again. I've done this before and I still have the text document. Going back and reading it (from a year ago) is pretty interesting on its own. Amazing to see how your unconscious poker mind develops within a year.

I also finally erased everquest from my computer. Took me too long to do, but at least its done. I actually got bored of it eventually, so it wasn't that hard of a decision. And at this point in my life, I need as little amount of distractions as I can get.

So I'm back on track, living basically the same life I lived in Toronto, only in a house now. I think I'll be alright.