Kill me

That pretty much sums up my progress this month.

I don't take losses well. And since I ran so good early in the month, the losses were inevitable. I hate poker for that. I wish I was still naive about variance. I remember 2 years ago thinking that if I played good, I couldn't lose. Like, yea maybe a suckout here and there, but I couldn't fathom losing 10 days in a row. But now I understand that you can't do shit to avoid it. If you run good, YOU WILL RUN BAD.

So yea, I started running bad last week, and I wanted to shit my pants - actually I did, fuck. I stopped playing, dug a hole and crawled into it - hence the lack of updates for those who were actually cheering for me.

I'll post my stats eventually - when I actually look at them. It got real ugly at the end. Of course, I'm exaggerating, and I still made some money, but nothing close to 10k. I failed.

So I got to thinking, once again, about my life and different shit I should be doing with it. The last 3 weeks may be the least productive 3 weeks of any human of all time. I'm talking less productive than a fucking newborn baby. Even I was embarrassed for myself, and I was the only person who knew what the fuck I was even doing.

It's all good though since I'm moving to my new house in like a week, as well as going to New York City for the first time to see Rage Against the mother fucking Machine in concert. Once I get settled in my new house, I hope that I summon some motivation to start living a productive life.

Not that I feel any outside pressure to do so. I'm just really fucking bored.

And while playing the 14th straight hour of Everquest, I started to think of different things I could do. And I really don't care about money. As long as my bills are paid, and I'm not struggling to pay them, its all good. I don't save money and I don't invest. I like to spend and I like to live my life now. I mentioned previously that I wanted to get into radio broadcasting as its something I've always been intrigued by and I figure I could do it and not be on the 24 hour suicide watch.

Tonight I started to formulate a life plan that I could see myself living with some degree of satisfaction. I mean, I've always considered myself to be "smart". Not genius, just fairly smart. It doesn't always translate into my real life though, but generally I make fairly decent decisions. So in the back of my mind, when considering "career" paths, I always consider the fact that I could be doing "so much more" if I wanted to. But I've been saying this to myself since high school and yet I've never been running at full potential. So while in theory I probably could do something fairly meaningful or important in life, I know its not a realistic thought due to the motivation factor. Thus the radio gig. Something fun to do while getting paid peanuts doing a job that doesn't require a great deal of intelligence. Be like me kids.

So I need experience. My plan is to volunteer with a friend at the university radio station for a while then apply at some local stations. The university station is great as they give you an hour of free time to do your own show with very little restrictions (mostly just music based). I think it will be a lot of fun and have a lot of ideas for possible shows. I also want to take this time to develop my other secret life goal - to become a stand up comedian.

I know that sounds ridiculous. I'm not even that funny, I know. And its probably something that will never happen but for some reason, every time I listen to a stand up comic who I enjoy, I always sit there thinking that I should do what he's doing.

I think even saying that you want to be a stand up comic is absurd and probably a little arrogant, but hey, its a dream of mine. I mean, who am I to think I'm funny? Fuck you RikkiDee. But I know I've had my moments of hilarity. If you take all the funny shit I've said throughout my life, and put it back to back, I think thats at least a 5 minute bit.

And if you are sitting here reading this thinking, this guy is on crack, I've read everything he has written and I've never laughed once - I have to agree with you. I mean, I'm not exactly bringing down the house with this blog. Although most of my posts are pure spontaneous drivel that aren't really designed to be funny. I mean after all this is a poker blog. But I think with some time, and practice, I could put together a bit that would have you on your ass. Plus I think that any true comic that I've ever respected is only funny when they are performing. In their regular life they aren't going to be reaching for ridiculous references and jokes just to get through a daily conversation. I mean, retards like Dane Cook would, but who respects him anyways?

So there it is, a sort of 5 year plan. Volunteer at university radio station for a while, then apply at local station - all the while playing poker while working on a stand up comedy routine to show drunkenly at an amateur night.

I can see the millions now.

Oh and fuck poker.

wtf am i doing

Dealt to tokenblak [ Js Ks ]
mugsie69 folds.
RalphAlf folds.
SagatnOlsens raises [$7 USD]
tokenblak calls [$7 USD]
AndyKayy folds.
viola_777 calls [$5 USD]
** Dealing Flop ** [ 9c, 5s, 7d ]
viola_777 checks.
SagatnOlsens bets [$15 USD]
tokenblak calls [$15 USD]
viola_777 calls [$15 USD]
** Dealing Turn ** [ 2d ]
viola_777 checks.
SagatnOlsens checks.
tokenblak bets [$50 USD]
viola_777 calls [$50 USD]
SagatnOlsens folds.
** Dealing River ** [ 3s ]
viola_777 is all-In.
tokenblak calls [$134.90 USD]
viola_777 shows [ 6s, 7s ]a pair of Sevens.
tokenblak shows [ Js, Ks ]high card King.

Trying to keep it daily

Still working on playing for more than like 3 hours without losing all concentration. Also playing through a fun breakeven stretch and its really fucking annoying. There is something about me and the magical $5k mark that I can't fucking get past. As soon as I hit it, a mental alert goes off and I am incapable of winning. This has been going on for over a year now. It's no longer a trend, its a certainty. I hate it and and I hate my vagina.

Hands Played: 9508
Amount Won: $5825.24
ptBB/100: 15.91

Quickie

Quick update just for stats

Played like 1.2k hands, brain started to fry. I need to get out of the house. I can feel my eyes sinking into my skull.

Hands Played: 6303
Amount Won: $5473.22
ptBB/100: 21.71

Plan for tomorrow is to get up, shower, go outside and do "something". Maybe I'll work out, or shoot around at the gym. I just need some activity.

Paying for motivation

Apparently my "challenge" isn't challenging enough for me. I mean, I sit in front of my computer 14(?) hours of the day, and I can only muster 3 of them for poker. It's pathetic.

I think I need a visit from one of those ghosts that come and take you to see your possible futures depending on what changes in your life you make. You know those ghosts, where are they when you really need one.

I wasn't able to play Friday or Saturday since I was away, and most of the day Sunday, but I still could have feasibly got in a few k hands. Of course I just sit around.

I played a bit tonight, won a bit, here are updated stats.

Hands Played: 5194
Amount Won: $5062.09
ptBB/100: 24.37

Halfway to my "goal", although I still have a lot of bad variance to play through, so I imagine it will take me at least three times as long to get the rest.

I seriously would pay $100/day for someone just to come over to my place and physically force me to play. Because I'm playing really really good, and am probably the best at poker that I've ever been in my life right now. I'd move up in limits if I didn't just cash out my entire bankroll.

Also have been watching the WSOP updates periodically throughout the day. For some reason the WSOP still captures my interest, even though I know I'll never be in it. I guess it is a pretty big event, with every final table member beating essentially unbeatable odds to get there. I suppose thats the draw.

The only person I'm cheering for is Taylor Caby (greenplastic) the creator of cardrunners. He seems like a really down to earth, non arrogant player and I've learned a lot from him. He's already made a small fortune from poker anyways, but I can't think of anyone else deserving of the price. Apparently he made it to day 2 with a decent chip stack. Other than that I don't really want anyone else to win. I despise most other poker players, especially the "live pros" as they are usually way worse than their reputations would dictate.

Ayyways, I'm done once again for the day but I plan (obviously) to play a lot tomorrow, at least 2k hands, which is so stupidly achievable. And I'll goto bed tonight praying for the ghost of christmas future to visit me.

Hotter Than God Himself

Update:

Still lazy

But at least I run good

Hands Played: 4269
Amount Won: $4236.42
ptBB/100: 24.81

Pretty ridiculous. I actually don't think I've lost a hand this week. If I have a pocket pair - I get a set. If I have a draw - I get there. This is the exact reason we all play poker. I've never felt better in my life. No feeling beats it. Seriously.

Obviously I'm going to have to play this hotstreak out, and I'm hoping it will cool down in the form of a long breakeven stretch, rather than a downswing. But all things considered, I'll take my risks given the amount of luck I've had so far. Imagine I make my $10k goal this fucking week. I just wish I didn't suffer from reverse tilt from winning. It's not like someone can have a ton of experience running at about 423% above the median. This is a once in a year type event. So I have trouble handling the money won. I tend to start donking it off or playing too weak tight trying to protect it. I just need to erase my memory and play later. I think I have solution for that.

Not to say that its all luck. I mean I know without the luck I don't have much but I was really feeling it today. I can count on one hand how many times I've triple barrel bluffed and today I did it 3 times. And each time I did it, I knew when I double barreled that I was throwing down a third. I was just so on point, focussed and confident that honestly it would have been hard to beat me. I'm usually such a pussy so it was a nice change. I don't really understand how one gets "in the zone" but I imagine running like god can't hurt. If I could only bottle up this confidence and keep it for when I'm running bad.

And don't worry to those who hate reading about success and someone bragging, the inevitable losses are coming. So stay tuned for a tilt induced donk fest that will ensue later this month.

Heres an example of my godlike abilities

Dealt to tokenblak [ 7c 9d ]
mikerowewave folds
destyler folds
tokenblak raises [$7 USD]
starler229 calls [$6 USD]
Terbjasiz calls [$5 USD]
** Dealing Flop ** [ 6s, 7s, Kc ]
starler229 bets [$2 USD]
Terbjasiz folds
tokenblak raises [$20 USD]
starler229 calls [$18 USD]
** Dealing Turn ** [ 4c ]
starler229 checks
tokenblak bets [$35 USD]
starler229 calls [$35 USD]
** Dealing River ** [ Jh ]
starler229 bets [$66 USD]
tokenblak calls [$66 USD]
starler229 shows [ 6c, Qc ]a pair of Sixes.
tokenblak shows [ 7c, 9d ]a pair of Sevens.

I mean how can you beat that shit? By the way my flop raise and turn bet are both value bets vs this opponent (obviously, look at his fucking hand) and the river was basically an insta-call.

Good Start...

Update:

I'm still a lazy piece of shit.

Hands Played: 3259
Amount Won: $2053.44
ptBB/100: 15.75

Still aiming for 10k hands by this Friday. Shutup its doable.

At least I have something to blame my lack of play on, whats your excuse?

My excuse? Oh just the most addictive, time-consuming video game ever conceived. I am so easily tempted, especially with things to do.












Thats right; fucking Everquest. God damn what a time for this slut to come back in my life. The good news is I can already feel myself getting bored with the game already.

No seriously.

Honestly I actually stopped playing today for reasons other than sleep or food. Its actually kind of funny because this game is like 23 years old, and a basically no one plays. I was actually surprised to find out that this game was still in existence with the plentiful number of other MMORPG's now. But people still play. I guess they figure they are too invested in it now to quit. Down with the ship they go.

But me? Nah. I play poker now.

Which reminds me, I have some more playing to do. Lets hope I keep running well.

10k Month Yo?

Still having trouble establishing that groove thang. But at least I've started to play poker again. It's been a while.

I have set a goal for myself. It's a pretty simple and basic goal.

10k month.

I've done it once in my poker career before and since I need more money now than ever, I figure I could use another. In all honesty it shouldn't be hard, and anyone with my "ability" could easily do it given a decent work ethic. To keep me motivated I'm going to post daily results on the blog because theres nothing worse for me than a bunch of random strangers who accidentally came to my site knowing how badly I'm slacking.

So the basic plan is to play 2-3k hands a day.

















"4 bags?? But I'll never be able to do that compared to my usual load of... one"

True, the goal seems a little lofty, but with the girlfriend on vacation, I'll have no distractions and should be able to get a lot more poker in. And if I don't end up running like the dog's dick, I should be able to hit 10k sooner.

Sofar, here are my stats for the month.

Hands Played: 1876
Amount Won: $641.97
BB/100: 8.56

Nothing special, and certainly way under my daily goal, but I just started. Hopefully I'll get a few more k hands in today and get this week to about 10k~ hands total.