Epic post

I've been playing a shit ton the past 2 weeks since I've got back from Vegas that I haven't had time to do much else. As a reference point the most hands I've played in a month is something like 30k. In 9 days I've managed to play 38k hands. Its funny how having no money will do that.

But I sort of forgot I left all the readers of this blog at a cliffhanger with my last post - eluding to the best part of my trip.

Here we go.

It was the last day I was in Vegas and I had just busted out of the $2k event as I had described. I was pretty upset and grinding 5/10 for another 10 hours (100 hands) for some reason didn't appeal to me. My friend and I were both feeling the pain of live poker and we decided to give it up and just go out clubbing.

So we shower up (not together) and get dressed to the nines (button up shirt!) and we decide to take advantage of the "free drink" policy at casinos and play some poker until we are mashed - then presumably go to 'da club. I've been to some of the "hot" LV clubs and wasn't impressed - not that I'm ever really impressed by clubs anyways. We decide to head to our old stompin' grounds where a few years ago we spent every waking moment for 3 weeks - MGM grand.

Walking through the casino half buzzed, I feel a rush of energy. There is something about familiarity with a casino that makes you feel good. Now my original plan was to donk it up at 1/2, throwing buyins around like I'm mother-fuckin Hugh Hefner but there was about a 14 person waiting list, so we just sat down at the first available 2/5 game. The stakes of my drunken domination had just doubled+$100.

First few hands I'm 3 betting everyone - taking down a bunch of pots with cbets and shit, throwing all the regular nits off guard. Everyone is pretty nitty and not drunk - so I contrasted well. There were two exceptions however. One being a young kid from LA who was drinking and not that good at the pokers but an all right guy to talk to, and another being an old man with a clear drinking problem - ordering double grand marnier's throughout the night. Old drinking man was directly to my right and was the primary source of the nights entertainment.

You know how they say that even though people expect to lose to the house in a casino but they still play because its entertainment they are paying for? Well thats how I felt tonight for the first time. I wasn't overly concerned with the money I lost because I had already lost a boatload and was just dying to get back online and playing. For the first time in Vegas I was having fun playing poker - imagine that.

When I sat down old drunk man was sitting on about $80. I reraised his open raise with 76s and he pushed. I obviously snap called and hit a flush to take what I assumed to be his last $80. He must have rebought to about $500 though soon after - probably when noticing that I was here to gambool (gambool passes spell check?). I was playing up my image well, slopily stacking chips and haphazardly throwing them into the pot when betting. At this point I wasn't very drunk - only about 4-5 beers but no one had to know.

A few hands later I pick up KK in the blind with 23423 limpers facing me I popped up big to like $50. Obviously almost everyone calls. Flop comes KTx and I obviously cbet. Oldest nittiest man on the planet raises me and I snap move all in. He calls. As soon as he says call I say "I win" lolz. As the dealer deals the turn and river blanks I say "pair of kings" and show one king. He nods to my statement (one pair goot?) but then I flip over the other king. This sends him into a rage. Now it wasn't really my intention to rile him or anything - I was just playing around. In hindsight it was kind of a dick move but I thought everyone was chillin. Little did I realize that I was playing with the worlds biggest life nit of all time. Throughout the night he would constantly complain about any minor "improper" event that happened at the table. I told him to be kind to the fish at the table or they will leave - refering to me.

So I'm dubbed up and feelin good despite the negative energy coming from old man nit. I think I end up donking away a few hundred here and there with missed draws and 2nd best hands then I do something actually stupid.

There are a few limpers and old drunken man raises to $15 (3xbb) which is his standard raise for some reason despite the limpers. I try to isolate him by reraising with 88 to about $60. One guy calls the 2 raises cold then old drunk man reraises again to like $200. At this point what I should have done was fold. What I did do was misread the fuck out of the situation. For some reason I thought that old drunk man had limped along with the other players, then after seeing me raise he decided to reraise. If that had actually been the action I would have no problem getting it all in with 88 there since it is highly unlikely he would limp anything that beats 88 after a bunch of people had already limped. But I forgot that he had made a raise. Small details like this matter - but they are hard to remember while drinking apparantly. So I snap go all in and he obviously has KK and I lose.

That hurt. Rebuy.

I'm still in a good mood though despite the loss and now all the table nits are chomping at the bit to get my action. This one nit to my left is a young asian kid who is audibly upset that he can't pick up a hand. I play a neat pot where I raise with 67 hearts, get one caller (the LA kid). The flop is something like KJ8 with 2 clubs. He check calls my flop bet. Turn is like a 2 and it goes check check. River pairs my 6 and he bets. I call pretty quickly and he has nothing. "Its hard to make a pair" I says. LA Kid is not amused.

However LA kid was pretty funny. All night long he had been bragging about hooking up with some strippers last night at the club and was texting one of them all night. He was planning for her to come meet him at the MGM to his hotel room for some out of club fun. He kept asking my friend and I if she should bring some friends for us since he has a suite. He then tells us that its $2500 each. I wasn't ever considering it anyways but $2500 is so lol, and even more lol that he was bragging about it. No strippers ever showed up.

I'm basically seeing the flop with any 2 reasonable cards and trying to outplay people. It generally doesn't work since no one gives me credit, and it starts to annoy me that people are taking turns beating me with superiour cards. At this point old drunk man has ammassed something like a $3k stack courtesty of random donations from me as well as a few other stacks he's taken from others. Its pretty funny since he can barely drink his drink without getting poker chips in it - literally. Since the cupholders are below the table level he kept dropping chips in his drink. I guess eventually he got sick of taking the chips out that he just left them in there while drinking. Wierd dude.

One hand I have T5 of clubs and call a raise - as does everyone else. Flop has 3 cards with 2 of them being clubs, so I bet when checked to me. Nitty young guy calls me and everyone else folds. Turn brings my flush and I decide to check. He checks behind. River is a low card so the board is something like KJ862 with 3 clubs. I quickly check ot him since he probably has a king since he called my flop bet and will probably try to value bet it after I've checked twice. He does and I quickly and sloppily pop it up to $375. He snap calls me with some garbage and I say "I has a frush". I win and he quickly leaves the table. Its funny because he had been waiting a few hours to get in a pot with me and he leaves right after.

Now comes the climax of the night. I had a respectable stack up to this point - somewhere around $800. I've been straddling all night and had done it again this hand. For some reason every single person at the table folds except the big blind (old drunk man) who limps in. I haven't even looked at my cards yet and I raise it to $30. He snap calls obviously and then blindly donks out like $25 before the flop comes. The flop is K82 with 2 spades. It is then I look at my cards and of course I have QQ. I decide to raise the flop since he blind bet it and he snap calls. Once again, before the turn is dealt he donks out like $50 this time. The turn brings my set - Q of spades also bringing the flush. I knew he wouldn't be randomly donking out with a flush draw on the turn so I was sure I had the best hand. Now heres the best part. Simply the best thing I've ever done live. As soon as I said the words "raise" he INSTANTLY says "CALL!". I hadn't even said how much I was raising to or put out any chips yet, but since I said raise and he said call his call is binding to whatever amount I want to bet. Since I had the nuts I lol'd and went all in for like $700 into a $100 pot. He had to call. River is nothing and he shows his K6 or whatever for top pair. I sort of feel bad but hes a dumbass who took my stack earlier from me not paying attention, so were even in my eyes. He still has like $1k at this point but hes pretty upset.

That is by far the funniest stupidest thing anyone has ever done to me in a live poker game.

The night ended on a shitty note though. Simliar situation, old drunk man raises and I reraise him with KTs. Once again he blind bets the flop. Flop comes down A63 rainbow. I raise him a bit since hes going to miss that flop so often, yet he snap calls. The turn brings an 8, and he check calls my big bet of like $200. At this point I really don't know what to put him on. His blind donk bets are fucking with my now pretty drunken mind. All I knew was that he couldn't be that strong, maybe something like AT. River brings a 9 so its A9863 rainbowish. He checks and I snap go all in for a huge overbet. He obviously snap calls me with A3 and now I'm the one who is pissed.

You know how you get irrationaly angry when you are drinking and something shitty happens? Thats what happened to me. I pretty much lost my mind. The next few hands I was so tilted, I was just literally throwing chips into the pot. One pot my friend cbet the flop and I just snap threw my entire stack into the middle like a giant baby. I left shortly therafter.

Bad ending to an other wise awesome and hilarious night. Oh we didn't end up going clubbing since by the time we were done it was like 5am and was too drunk and too pissed off to do anything but sleep and get the fuck out of this shit hole of a city.

So drinking while playing poker - I'd give it a 9/10 especially if you are willing to lose a bit. Your image is hilarious and you can't beat fucking with the minds of local nits.

But next time I'll probably do it at 1/2 so I don't end up dropping a grand needlessly.

Incoming Huge Posts

Ok so heres the official Vegas Trip Report.

I'll try to do this without crying.

The first day was promising. Within an hour of getting to Vegas we were at the Rio sitting at a 2/5 game. The Rio is where all the WSOP events are being held this year and the place is absolutely packed. There are probably something like 250 tables - all full - with most of them being used for donkaments.

The first few hours I basically dwindle away my stack with a few lost coinflips and some 2 pair vs set hands. Not too much damage though since most of my opponents were short stacked. There was one hand where I had AK and a 70 year old grandma who hadn't made a bet in 3 hours actually reraised me preflop all in. She only had about $100 but I couldn't imagine her doing that with anything AK beat. I obviously call since AK is the nuts online, but she teaches me a thing about live poker - AK is not the nuts. She flips over aces obv and I lose.

I pulled off one sick bluff against a tight nitty older asian woman. She knew what she was doing but she was very straightforward. I raised in early position with 65 of hearts. She calls from the big blind and the flop comes KQ2 rainbow. Great flop for my range and bad for hers. I c-bet the flop, which she quickly calls. Obviously she isn't winning this hand I say to myself. The turn brings a T and a flush draw. She check calls my double barrel rather quickly again. Heres a spot where I double barrel the the sole intention of pushing the river since I know a ton of her range is a shitty pair + a gutshot or flush draw. Without double barreling your river bet will get no credit since you haven't repped strong enough. River brings a meaningless 6 and she checks. Now at this point you are thinking, wow you three barreled a nit - congratulations. But heres the kicker - I only had about a 1/2 pot bet left, usually not enough to get anyone off any pair. But I knew she was decent enough to realize that I'm repping a monster hand here and that its unlikely I would bluff with just a 1/2 pot bet, so I did it and she thought for a bit and folded. Obviously I have to turn my hand over and show the bluff. The table oo's and aah's and from then in I started making money. I later busted her by flopping trips and having her overplay her Queens.

So I made some money there, and winning pots here, and eventually got my stack up to about $1500. Then something really gay happens.

I had pulled a "bluff" on this older russian dude earlier where I 3 barreled him with 77 on a KQ7xx board. After he called the flop and turn I pushed the river and he took hours to finally fold. I showed 1 seven and he got upset. A few hands later he raises and I pick up QQ. I look over at his stack and see like $100 in front of him. I do a mini raise to $45 assuming he will just go all in preflop. He just calls. The flop is 89T and he checks. I bet what I figure to be his remaining chips - $60 and he calls. Then the turn brings an ace and he immediately goes all in. It is then I see that he was playing with 4 - $100 chips under his stack of $5 chips. Very gay. My obvious first instinct is to fold since he just overbet the fuck out of the pot, but for shits and giggles I decide to play with him a bit. Because he was all in I turn over my hand to get his reaction. I'm not even sure if he realized what I was doing. He says "oooh nice". At this point his buddy who had been sort of watching and sitting beside him says to him "oh you still have outs though". Then the guy I was playing with tells his buddy to shut up because the hand is still live. I - being the genius that I am - determine that this leak of information was an actual mistake and figure I have the best hand. I call the stupid overbet and he snaps over AJ for a pair of aces. I lose the pot and am pissed.

To be honest I really don't know what the fuck happened. Was the friend angle shooting me? They were pretty old and seemed clueless so I doubt it. Maybe he was talking to me? Or maybe he was just a retard and his retard talk got me. After that I played a bit more but then left the table when he did.

I moved to another table where I chipped up but didn't do much. I eventually got my stack up to around $2000 which put me back up to about +$1000 for the day. I was fairly happy with that. The new table happened to be beside another table in which Shannon Elizabeth was playing at. That was neat.

There was one other neat hand which was purely a live benefit. I raised a limper in position with QQ. This young kid with an extremely angry persona calls my raise and check calls the flop of J82 with 2 clubs. The turn brings another J and at this point I didn't have much read on him so I just checked behind. The river brings a sick Qc giving me top boat and also completing the flush and he leads huge into me, like $300. I obviously go all in for like $400 more and he eventually folds. I imagine he didn't have much but I did my cool live trick of showing 1 card to him - a queen indicating that I pushed with just 1 pair. He called me a donkey for a while and wouldn't ever fold to me again so I definitely recommend that trick if you are playing live.

The next day I decided to fuck 2/5 since it was boring as fuck and play some 5/10. I had never been to the Wynn so we decided to play there. The Wynn is basically the Bellagio on the inside since it was designed by the same guy - Steve Wynn. The poker room is quite nice, about 30 tables and serviced by the absolute hottest waitresses in Vegas.

So I sit down at one of the two 5/10 games going on. My table seems pretty loose, with some decent younger guys who know whats up but nothing too intimidating. I immediately go on an early rush doubling up without ever even showing down a hand. I had a few bluffs and a few solid hands but I know everyone is definitely suspicious of me. Eventually after winning a pretty nice pot off the biggest fish at the table, its folded to me on the button and I raise to $30 with 64s. The biggest fish at the table is in the big blind and he immediately raises me to $110.

1. I know he is a fish and a pretty aggressive one at that. He constantly turns his hands into bluffs and never really bets what I would consider to be the correct amounts. He also is like Jaime Gold in that he can bluff but can't value bet his semi-strong hands when he actually makes a hand.
2. I just won a $3-400 pot off him.
3. I have position.

So I call.

The flop is 743. I has a pair and a gutshot. He snap fires out $200. I take my time and call. Turn is an 8. Nothing has changed in my mind. He again snap fires out $400. I take more time and call - basically slow playing since I know he has jack shit. Turn pairs the 8 so its 74388. I has the nuts. He snap pushes all in without a thought and I snap call. He mucked his hand - I win. He was super pissed after this.

Now online I do this 3 times an hour, but live its a lot different. If I was wrong I would have looked retarded. Its definitely the best live calldown I've ever made. And definitely helped with my confidence as well as my image.

So at this point I was up $2500 and feeling good. Then I just ended up pissing away my stack with random ill timed bluffs and some bad setups. One hand I lost $1200 on with a set of Queens on a AQ5 all spades flop. He flopped the frush and I couldn't get away. I also tried pulling a 4 bet preflop bluff against a fellow tag. I raised early and for some reason he raises to $200 preflop from the blinds with no one else in the pot. I smell bullshit and repop to $600. We are both still deep so I know hes not going to fuck around with air here. He thinks for a bit then pushes (wtf) for $2000 more. I have 67s and I fold agonizingly. He definitely had AK and I hate him for pushing. Honestly in the 2 days (20 hours of table play) I was there I didn't see anyone 4 bet preflop. I guess he just beat me to the punch. So I end up dwindling back down to the starting spot of $1500 and leave the table.

Later that night we goto Ceasers. Their room is decent but has the worlds ugliest waitresses. I play for about 5 hours and win probably 2 pots. Annoyance starts to set in, especially while playing at the fishiest 5/10 game that would rival a 0.10/0.25 game online. While I was there one horrible southern "good ole boy" dropped at least 8k. I know because when I got there he had at least $8k in bills stacked in front of him and he left with nothing. Obviously I can't get a fucking hand (since he doesn't fold) and the table nits devour him. It is at this point I'm starting to swear off live poker.

I wonder if anyone is still reading this.

The next day I decide to enter the $2k no limit holdem donkament going on at the rio. I figure, why not take a shot? I'm only here once and I hear the fields are super soft.

So the tournament starts at noon. I get there at 11:55 and I'm the first one at the table. You start with 4k in tournament chips and the blinds are 25/50 with 1 hour blind levels. Clearly this tournament structure sucks balls and its going to degenerate into a pushbot fest within 2 hours, but what did I expect. My table starts to fill up and what do you know but 2 of TV's best are sitting at my table. In the 10 seat - former WSOP champ Scotty Nguyen and in the 3 seat, his Vietnamese partner in crime - Men "The Master" Nguyen.

Now I've lost about every ounce of respect for any named TV pro since I started playing cash games and learned the real game, but sitting at their table was still a little intimidating. I'm not even experienced in MTT's, let alone live MTT's and here are 2 guys that play more events than 99% of the field. But I know they are donkament pros, so they can't be that good. It was also wierd since our table was right along the rail and was a main attraction in the room for the railbirds. Tons of media were roaming around taking pictures and video of our table. Was a little unnerving. However I still held my own.

I raised in EP with KQo and "The Master" calls in the big blind.
Flop is JTx with 2 hearts and he check calls my cbet.
Turn brings a low heart that brings the flush.
Check Check.
River brings another heart and he bets out.
I check my hole cards, yep my Q is a heart - I cawl.

"Good call" he sighs. Turning up AQo for nothing.

Yep donkament pro. As much as I thought playing with "pros" wouldn't effect me, calling one of the "worlds best" bluffs did feel pretty good.

I do nothing for the next hour or two because I miss a bunch of flops and am pretty card dead. And since the blinds are moving up my stack goes from 80bb to 40bb, to 20bb pretty fuckin quick. I get moved from table to table as others bust out, biding my time waiting for a hand to play. Even though I'm down to 20bb, I still plan on playing post flop since a lot of other people are in the same spot. I plan on raising to 2.5bb and cbetting, hoping to take down some pots. It works ok, didn't get to do it much though.

I get moved to another table where I meet up with my nemesis from an earlier cash game I played at the Rio (young angry dude). Hes probably the worst player I've ever seen in real life - paying any price to see the flop and calling any bet with any piece of it. I saw him call (just call) off more than half his stack with a gutshot, and obviously hitting on the turn . I mean just bad. I fold and fold for more hours, stealing a few pots here and there but nothing significant. Eventually I'm down to about 15bb and my nemesis once again limps UTG. About 5 more people limp and I'm in the BB. I immediately want to push, and luckily I look down to AK. I push and nemesis snap calls me. He has JQ. Nice call sir. The flop has a Q on it and I want to shit my pants for wasting my time with a fucking skilless donkament. But the river K saves me and I'm back up to 35bb.

Time goes by, I hover around average chips for a few hours (they have tournament info screens all over letting you know blind levels, how many people left and average chip stack). After one break I get back and pick up AKs in early position. I raise, someone calls and then one of the tightest nits reraises me. Now in a cash game I essentially don't fold AKs for even 150bbs so why I considered folding for 25 was a bit puzzling but I did. I thought and thought and then said fuck it, I has AKs with 25bbs. He calls and has TT. Off to the races lol1!

Flop
2
5
KING!~

I slam my fist in triumph. Back up to 50bbs baby!

Turn
Ace

River
Ten

SDLKF:JLK:J@L:JRWLF$RT#()UJIOTjk3 ltearfAWEFAJWEDFJ@#$TRFasdj flkjr2i5rj 34wrtf903asjkdlf;sd fDONKAMENTSaslkdjl;23jr4lk2;35jr dsifjkl34rjsdRF@#$%R#WEQFSDAFVFDSFSDFUCKKKKKKKKKK

What a shitty tease. I ended up in 500th place out of 1400 entrants. 6-7 hours of wasted life and -$2k down the drain. Ah well at least I gave it a shot. I'll live and the final table was minimum $75k or something so it could have been sweet. There just isn't that much skill to be had in these. Learn your hand equities, learn push/fold poker and learn how to run good. The separation between average joe online poker and the "tv pros" is probably zero.

So I go back to my hotel room and cry. Then I watch the Celtics pull off a hilarious comeback in game 4 which I had them on the Moneyline at +280 which cheered me up.

Now this post has become officially too long and there is one more event I have to talk about - the best part of my Vegas trip - so I'll start a new post tomorrow. Hopefully you enjoyed those brave souls who read the entire thing.

Ban live poker imo

I'm probably never going to attempt to seriously play live poker ever again.

Us online players are spoiled. We see a ridiculous amount of hands per hour. And if you haven't played live poker in a while it will definitely test the limits your patience.

In case you can't tell by the immediate tone of this post - my trip didn't go so good.

The thing about live poker is - even if you have sick patience, it doesn't matter since you will end up not playing a hand for 2-3 hours at a time and when you do eventually lift up your now asleep arm to make a bet, everyone will insta-fold.

The poker that we have come to know and love that we play on-line is simply not the same game as live.

There are few things more annoying on the planet than being card dead in a live poker game. This is especially true if you are like me and have the knowledge and discipline to prevent myself from playing marginal hands out of boredom. You fold 45 hands in a row (1.5 hours real time) finally pick up KQo but old man river has raised for the first time in his life from UTG and you just have to fold. You take solace in the fact that a weaker minded player would call there, but that isn't much of a consolation. You came to Vegas to pwn noobs, not to fold for hours straight.

The problem is a combination of things really. One - every game is full ring. Even I can't handle full ring online, so its not a shock that I don't enjoy it live either. I don't like playing a limited number of hands, I don't like the idea that limping some hands is +EV, I don't like folding KJ UTG.

The second problem is a bit more complex. Because the game is painfully slow, everyone obviously makes their own adjustments. Most adjustments people make include folding less. This makes sense because the game is fucking boring, and so is folding. Most hands get to showdown and because of this, bluffing is much less profitable live than it is online. Online players realize that another hand is quickly coming, so folding isn't the end of the world as it is live. So the proper adjustment a smart player should make here is to play less hands, bluff less, and value bet the fuck out of people when they make good hands. And in theory this will work - if you have patience and a normal run of cards. However it is extremely difficult to maintain patience, especially when faced with a bad run of cards. Even when you get a great hand, something like KK and you finally get involved in a pot - its going to be extremely difficult to lay that hand down if you suspect you are beat.

So after playing a few days I decided that live poker is really not worth my time. I ended up playing about 30-35 hours at the tables, which boiled down to about 750-1000 hands. If I played online that would be in range of 30-35k hands. Not to mention online I don't have to pay for a hotel, I don't have to fly anywhere, and I don't have to shower.

Thats not to say I didn't have some interesting hands and spots to discus, but I've decided to put them in a separate post to keep this one from being 534,234 words long.

'Till next time.

Back from England; Off to Vegas

Got back from England 2 days ago.

Going to Vegas today.

Planning on playing a wide variety of cash games starting with 2-5NL to get my feet wet then moving to 5-10 and maybe even some 10-20 if I run good. I'll probably end up joining a random $500-$1000 buyin donkament for fun as well. I'll be staying for a week so I'll have a lot of time to play.

In London I played at their downtown casino. They had a poker room set up but with limited dealers. This meant that for most tables you had to deal for yourself. This was hilarious to me. Being at a casino, playing a table game, dealing for the table. The net result of no dealer was excruciatingly slow play - much worse than regular live play. I made 50 pounds in 2 hours and called it a night after seeing a total of about 20 hands.

So I'll be back online in a week, again.

In the meantime enjoy some friendly comics courtesy of http://www.electricretard.com

Don't click at work though due to graphic/hilarious depictions of body parts. My favorite is #23