I think I can, I think I can

You know, as shitty as downswings get, they really do test your character. I'd like to think a lesser man would give completely into his emotions, and while there has been a lot of that for me, I think that I maintained my composure as best I could and kept playing through. Its not over yet and I'm still busto but I think I've at least rationalized my fears about my future. I may have also learned that I simply can't play long sessions without losing my entire mind. All I need is 2 daily 2-4 hour sessions with a solid break inbetween to reflect and unwind - no need to run marathons every day - regardless of how tempting it is when losing.

So to sum up my past 2 weeks, heres a garff. Most of this is $200NL with some $400NL and even $100NL sprinkled in. In fact the reason I even stayed alive here was mostly due to some back to back monster +15 buyin sessions at $100NL.


















Hopefully it truly is "over" since 70k breakeven is by far my longest stretch.

A cry for help

I'm in a really dark place right now, hence the lack of posts.

Since I've gotten back from dropping $325345345134 in Vegas I haven't won a god damn dime online.

I had a sick april and may and now I'm paying for it.

I really don't know what to do to be honest. For almost 3 years I've made easy steady income off poker without even trying or putting in "real" hours. Now I can't get out of this break even stretch and I my bankroll can't sustain my expenses anymore.

I really fucked myself.

Why did I buy a fucking house?

I've been in downswings and breakeven stretches before but none this long. And the longer it goes, the less confident I am in my game.

I played today, won $1200 quickly and wanted to quit - so I did - except for one table where I was deep stacked against a serious fish with a massive stack of his own.

-$2k later I'm writing this post.

I hate taking days off when I'm down a million dollars but I think today has to stop. I'm not anywhere near the right state of mind.

The problem is I don't see myself getting in the right state of mind anytime soon.

Fuck me.